In one of my parishes, I was fortunate to strike up a friendship with a management consultant. He and his wife came to church quite often. He travelled a lot and so he wasn’t there every Sunday. But I liked him and he liked me and so I asked him if I could have lunch with him regularly. He was a great guy to think things through with. He asked a lot of questions and then listened carefully. I could see why he was in high demand as an executive advisor.

One day I asked him about “accountability” and how he understood it. We had a far-ranging conversation, but here’s what has stayed with me. One of the things he emphasized was the word “key,” as in “key accountabilities.”

On the back of the paper place mat in the restaurant he asked me to write down the three to five key things that I was accountable for doing in my work as a minister. There was worship and preaching and pastoral care. He asked me to define those for him. What was my key accountability in this? That was a good question. He asked me to list the specific responsibilities I had.

Then he asked two questions that have stayed with me.

First, where did I get this information? Who told me what my job was?

Second, with whom did I discuss this and agree on it? That got me thinking, and I can still see the back of the place mat with my key accountabilities listed on it.

Then he asked me about relationships and who were the key people with whom and for whom I was accountable in my work. I made a list on another part of the placemat.

He asked me who I reported to? Who did I go to when there was a problem? Who would come to me when they were having a problem?

Before I knew it we had a list of no more than 10 people with whom I was responsible for the leadership of the congregation. These included (I’m an Anglican) the two churchwardens, the organist, the parish secretary, and the chairs of a couple of key committees.

My management consultant said that if I paid attention to the two lists—key work accountabilities and key relationship accountabilities—that I would do just fine.

As the coffee came, he talked about trust—that most sacred part of human relationships. He said trust is often assumed but can never be taken for granted. It takes a long time to build and there is no substitute for carefully building a foundation. Once it’s broken, he said, it’s almost impossible to repair.

“So keep building the trust,” he said. “Over communicate—check your assumptions, let people know what you’re thinking. Invite them into your own reflections so that they can see where you’re coming from. And focus on the key jobs and key people and you’ll be fine.”

I hope you can see why I kept asking him to have lunch with me.