Comments on: How to preach at a funeral?

By: Shane +

Shane + — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 13:45:15 +0000

I'm not sure the Church should be evangelised by our culture when it comes to death and grief. Of course sensitivity and listening and pastoral concerns should rule the day, but our traditions don't come out of nowhere… they're in conversation with our contemporary culture.

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 18:09:18 +0000

Bravo! This article has put it extremely well – thank you. It is more than time that we stop preserving (and serving) the institution and customs of the church at the expense of serving those who are mourning. We can justify our customs all we want and as often as we want but when we hurt people who are already vulnerale, we are not being loving. The future or the integrity of the Church is not going to be in jeopardy because someone goes on too long in a tribute or the person is extolled as a saint but it will be if we are not, as so aptly stated here, following the imperative of the Gospel Is it more important to be Anglican or to be Christ-like?

By: Michael Li

Michael Li — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 18:53:54 +0000

Eulogies are not part of a funeral service in the Diocese of Central Newfoundland. When I was in charge of a Parish there from 1995 to 2007, a brief family service was usually held at 11 a.m. at the Funeral Home. I had a few personal words said to the family. Messages addressed to the family, eulogies, tributes or special poems could be read, followed by a Bible reading and prayer. Then family members said their good-byes before the casket was closed. The funeral service usually took place at 2 p.m. at the church.

At the Funeral Home, we tend to focus on the body of our loved one, and our own grief. At church with a closed casket, we focus our attention upon the victory of our Christian faith which has been obtained through the death and resurrection of Jesus. Of course, we are still in pain and grief. But our major focus has changed to the hope of the resurrection.

While the family service at the Funeral Home is mostly for the family, a special intimate moment for family members to cry or to laugh, the funeral service at church is a public service where the whole community can come together to worship God and to celebrate the life of a special person.

By: Jennifer

Jennifer — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 02:56:34 +0000

I'm not a cradle Anglican, so this article is helpful to me in understanding some of the Anglican funerals I've attended. It is possible to affirm resurrection without denying grief. Even Jesus wept at the death of his friend. Could we start there, please?

By: skypilotnorth

skypilotnorth — Sat, 30 Jan 2010 00:46:08 +0000

As I usually have not known the deceased, I am in no position to say anything good or bad about him/her, so I invite family and friends to make the personal remarks. Seldom are they really eulogies ("well speaking") but they do represent the speakers desire to express love for the deceased. Tacky jokes? Yes sometimes I wish we could skip them, but in our society we know little about how to express grief or any other kind of love publicly. Often reading BAS prayers is the best I can do.
Some times I know the people enough to be able to taylor the service and I do so.
The hardest times are when the person's death is connected to a dysfunctional upbringing and lifestyle. How the family struggles to say they love the lost one without their grief turning to public rage! They would never publicly express anger at God. Certainly not in a church! I don't censor anything that is not clearly blasphemous (despair is blasphemy.)
I don't pull any punches about the Gospel of God's boundless love either. It makes for a powerful if gut-renching dialogue sometimes. But, hey, isn't that part of carrying your cross?

By: Michael Li

Michael Li — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 22:20:30 +0000

Canon Barry's article is good. The funeral is for the living. It is important for the clergy to use the gift of listening when they minister to the grief-stricken. But we must not speak only good things of the dead person. We must not exaggerate the truth. We must not turn a dead person into a saint.